Confidence

Well I have to say that this blog has been inspired by the salsa I made for dinner tonight... it was well seasoned.
Anyhow I've been thinking about it lately but I think that I am more confident than I have ever been in my life and I guess I have to pay credit where it's due.  Now don't get my wrong but I've always been overly confident when it comes to brains (I mean I know I'm smart).  However everyone has their flaws and I've always been aware of mine... and upon coming to this country I think all of my flaws were amplified tenfold and I'm sure new ones arose.  My weight, my speaking ability, my shyness around strangers... nervousness, cooking ability and I'm sure there where many more...  It was all tenfold and it made me rather depressed...

Something about knowing that tomorrow marks a year in site is amazingly freeing.  I was walking down the street today after a meeting and even though the day didn't go as I planned and I didn't get everything done I still felt like I did more than most people could (or would want to).  I am not only fitter and cuter than when I got to this country but I'm sassier, a better cook, smarter, and happier.  I have the confidence that only an experience of being scared shitless by trainers, and then sent into a community of complete strangers and having to make it a home while developing some kind of job can give oneself.

I am content that most dominicans will never like my food (it's too spicy and lacks salt and sugar)  because I love to eat it so much I don't want to share...

No... I didn't forget that I have a blog... it's just that everytime I think about sitting down to write I always think of something more "interesting" to do.  Things that I've found more interesting include playing tons of Soduku (which I am now an expert at..), looking up random info online, sitting with Dominicans (this is pretty fun, and reminds me of my grandpa wayne and how when he would visit we would all sit in lawn chairs in front of the house for hours), and playing with my dog.  

Well here is the update. 

March marked my one year anniversary of being in this country.  I have to say that while it's been the longest, hardest year of my life, I've also learned more in the past year than I could have imagined.  I basically relearned how to live (which makes me wonder what it'll be like going home).  It took me a while to integrate into my community but I do feel like this is my home (not my forever home because it faults so many crucial people).  Also we went to los Patos (The ducks) for our one year celebration and it was great.  It was the first ever beach of peables that I have seen (which I was told by scot is not that rare and has something to do with underwater currents).  It was rare for me and awesome!  Also on this trip I started to really enjoy dominican music, and I admit that it took me a long time to do that... But sometimes you need to be away from the normal surroundings and with people you are completely comfortable to enjoy dancing and listening so something.  Maybe that's just me...

My dog is huge and apparently very malcreado (he does't have good dominican manners).  I love him anyways.  In March he inspired me to start running (mostly to tire him out and also because now he's big enough that I feel safe running by myself) and I signed up for my first 10K.  I ran the entire 10K, which for me is a big deal, and at the end I decided that 'maybe' next year I need to do the half marathon.  I still have no intention of ever running a whole marathon in my life, because I can't really imagine how running that much at one time is good for somebody.  On the same trip as the 10K I managed to get myself a muffler burn from a motorcycle, and it was a rookie mistake because I got it mounting the bike... (shows how often I ride motorcycles in this country). The burn has prevented me from running much in the past week and a half because it just won't scab over :(  

However the past few weeks have been pretty good... My women's group is making progress with the their art and I think the ones that are progressing are beginning to get more serious about the project.  The government organization that works with aquaducts came to visit last week, so it looks like we are going to be moving forward with my solicitude for a response water volunteer (fingerscrossed).  And I had a fun visitor, who gave me good music, and explored parts of the town I've yet to have seen :). 

 

I'm very excited for the next year and I've decided that August is going to be my perfect month.... I picked august because it is the hottest most uncomfortable month of the year, so I have to make it my perfect month or it's going to just be the worst month.  My goal is to make a list of all the things that I've wanted to do in my life while I'm here like get up early to run (instead of running in the afternoon when it's mad hot), or make tortillas every week, and meditate and force myself to try harder to do it, if only for the month. I'll be making the list for the next few months and I'll try to remember to post it before the time.  

Also to any peeps back home that don't already know... I'm coming home for a visit in late June :) plan to make plans to see me, because I'm cool... and you know you miss me. 

Ok so I know that it's super early to start making this list.... considering I have another 14 months or so in country... but I love my list and I want a distraction from my real life.  So here's a list of food I want to eat and things I want to do (mostly food):

1-I want lots of breakfast food!  waffles with whip cream, maybe strawberry sauce and bananas..whole wheat banana and chocolate chip pancakes, with whip cream.... and an omelet with mushrooms, and veggies galore and hot sauce.  I will wash all this down with coffee, but it'll probably make me want dominican coffee again.
2- Popcorn ;) this will be necessary I'm sure
3-go to a movie... maybe the next star trek... but I'll probably have to rent that cause it will be out of theaters by the time I get home.
4- I want Thai food with feiven and kim
5- I want spicy pho, sushi, indian, and all other asian foods that I don't get to have here
6-Montclair chicken salad
7-Happy hour margaritas with mom
8-Jessica, you and I are going to finish that bike trail-I'm probably going to have to fix my bike up for that... or maybe buy a new one with y readjustment allowance (road bike :)
9-Take a hot shower
10-Go out with my friends and stay in with my family :)

It's rained all week... and I love it!  I missed having rainy days and I hope it stays like this for months.  

This month I've been running around like a chicken with it's head chopped off trying to prepare my women to apply for a grant... that I'm not sure we're ready for... but at least in the process of preparing we will be getting ready and they are making process in deciding what they really want to do.  I've also been working on getting a response water volunteer for the town across the river... :) which I think might actually happen now!

On a more personal level this month I got to go kayaking in a mangrove that let out into the ocean. Which was pretty sweet and next time I have good internet I'll load the photos. Also Archer is getting huge... I'm not sure how I'm going to bring him home, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to at this point cause I know he thinks I'm his mommy... He drives me crazy though... so far this week he has managed to bring about 5 bones into my house... the most interesting/ nasty of which was either the jaw of a horse or cow (the only large mammals that live in this county). Today was irritating though cause he brought home a dirty diaper and while I was distracted by two of my youth group girls he spread it around my house... I had to ask the girls to leave so I could collect myself enough to clean it up not go crazy... 

Also I have seen two squirrels in this country and that just cracks me up cause squirrels are only here to my understanding because dominican's think they're cute as pets... but they're so crazy that they have to let them go.

Things I think about...here

Why do my feet always get so freaking dirty in this pais (country)... well maybe because all I wear is sandals at this point...maybe because I cross the river a lot and put my feet in the dirty river water...it's possible that the fact that there is very little grass in peoples yards makes all the dirt much more dusty... I have a dog that seeks out dirt and then brings it back to the home on his paws (he only gets a bath 1-2 times a week).

I do kind of enjoy the fact that I have to greet most everyone I see on the street... It makes me feel more part of the community and like I fit in better... I do not think however that I will ever feel really comfortable with the cheek kiss that hispanic countries are accustomed to... Idk I just never feel like I'm doing it right... idk if i'm supposed to really kiss the cheek or if i'm supposed to kiss the air around the cheek and just press cheeks together... sometimes you go in to give a cheek kiss and it's too quick and your bones hit and that kind of hurts... I'm an american and my culture I think makes my security bubble bigger and I just do not enjoy being that close to so many people.... (if read wrong that whole paragraph is dirty)

Is my dog prettier than the other dominican dogs cause he gets cleaned on a regular basis and given good food or is he just naturally really pretty?

Who the hell would let ANYONE under 12 years old drive a motorcycle?

How long would it take to swim home? How quickly would I die at sea?  If there really are more sharks on my side of the river?

I think I might actually enjoy dominican music if it weren't blasted so loud that I think my eardrums are going to pop.

I wonder how hard it would be to create hybrid fruit trees that would survive back home...

First week of the year...
So this week I've felt like I should be preparing for a great new in site... I bought an internet plan (it took 3 hours to buy and then another 2 hours or so to return when it did not work...)  I bought a new daily organizer which I do think will be incredibly helpful because if I don't have a plan it can be really easy to get distracted and end up doing the opposite of what I planned on in a day.  Organized and labeled all the books mom brought be so I can start a mini personal library exchange program. Went to the playita :)

Also I went to a sweet sixteen birthday party where a dominican man (who has tried on numerous occasions to tell me that I am perfect for his son) made fun of me by saying that I love my dog and I'm going to take him home with me... As if that's something bad... That I might actually prefer my dog to the idea of dating his son and taking him home with me... CRAZ|Y RANT MOOD!

Other accomplishments this week include reorganizing my home so now my spare bed is a sofa in my livingroom.  Also kind of started walking/running archer every morning... well that's the goal.  Sometimes I things I have to do early in the morning... but he will get a walk tomorrow Morningand he had at least 3 this week in the morning.

Alana- (I know you follow this and I felt like I needed to say this out loud... so this is for you) I miss you so much Alana!!!  I live my life in my head repeating words that I want to say and wanted to say and will say over and over.  Its like a constant conversation between me, myself, and I. Sometimes its interrupted my reality where I often say the exact opposite of what I want to say so that I know for sure how people will react.  This past year has been the most jumbled up stream of conversation and reality of my life.  Not only is it in Spanglish cause I suck at Spanish but Dominican culture never fails to surprise me.  This makes me think of you Alana of course because you are just neurotic enough to understand how that feels and it makes me love you even more and I'm sure it makes you love me even more.

Ok... so there are other things that have happened in the past year that I have yet to write about because I'm a pretty bad blogger but let me por lo menos write a semi-end of the year blog to share my thoughts and experiences with family and friends. Those of you who know me the best will know that I like lists so I'm going to break this into a number of lists cause it's how my brain focuses...

List 1- Things I accomplished and take pride in for 2012!!
1-I learned spanish!!! I maybe never be the best at it but I understand it and people understand me and that is freaking amazing!
2- I started an environmental youth group and my kids are awesome.
3- I became a pc volunteer, I have lived in the DR for 8 months now and have yet to give up.
4-I have jumped off of a waterfall, I've also jumped off of rocks into natural springs (I do now think I'm scared of heights thou)
5-I've lost 35lbs, and I'm not sickly
6- I'm proud of my work with my women's group (we've mostly just done fundraising, but I think we've bonded and they've learned some things from me... maybe)
7-I have been taking a cake decorating class- I do this to encourage my women to take it but I am also pretty excited to take home and eat a piece of cake every monday.
8-I'm scuba certified
9-I hiked in DR :)
10-I feel like I've made myself a dominican family and group of friends
11-I have cooked arroz con leche and habicules con dulce (not that I'd be able to do it again)
12-I made a solar oven (it works but i made it late in the year so I haven't had much opportunity to cook with it)
13-I've learned how to travel in the DR on public transport (this I think makes me brave and crazy)
14- This is the longest I've lived on my own and away from home in my life
15- I got a dog

List 2- Things I've missed in 2012.
1- My family!!!! I can't even say how much I've missed my family it makes me want to cry thinking about it and the little things that I've missed in their lives and I haven't been able to share about my life with them.
2- My friends.  I've know for a long time that whatever kind of god there is or power in the universe likes me cause I've been blessed with the best family and friends.  I've missed my pw friends even though from the sounds of it we have scattered throughout the world.  I've missed my eip and gmu crew, when I come home we are all going out to Thai food and $3 movies, and I want to play soccer  (which ends up with me laying in a grassy field with kim and feiven watching clouds in the sky and talking ).  I've missed my bike/hikes with jessica.
3-My bed (my bed was freaking amazing back home (my parents told me in september that they got rid of it and bought me a new one... I don't even know what to say to that.
4-The 2012 elections... This makes it two presidential elections I've been out of the country for... the only two that I've been legally eligible to vote in too.
5- Lots of birthdays... I'm sorry I'm so bad at remembering too!
6-
List 3- Not so good things in 2012
1- I saw a car accident and it really freaked me out (the month of July had way too many funerals in my town it was just depressing)
2- Dominican food- not that it's horrible by any means but it's not really my slice of cake.  Dominican food like any other cultural thing has some really great things that should be cherished but they do not include the use of sopita, salt, parts of the chicken or cow that include the feet... or any of the things that have made me sick.... On the other hand I have gotten over my disgust of cabbage because it's the main part of salad here.
3-Machismo- bad dominican come-ons, the idea that I should have babies and a husband by now, paripos (this goes along with come-ons but it's basically the things men yell out in the streets)
4- I have felt more awkward this year of my life than I have since I was in elementary school.
5-I had the best and I mean best donias in training, especially in cbt in santiago-she made me feel like part of her family and she cooked really great and was so sweet, the only reason this is not so good is cause I feel really guilty for not keeping in touch with her and that makes me a bad person.
6- Chisme (this is the spanish word for gossip)  I hate the gossip that goes on in my town and in my women's group... I don't know how to navigate it.
7- Sometimes I feel inadequate to do my project... this stems mostly out of not knowing really what my project is half the time... and the fact that I've yet to apply for any grants... I guess that's normal for some at my stage and very unnormal for others... but I try.

So 2012 has been a super long and interesting to the least year.  I'm happy the world didn't end on the 12 of December and that my family is coming on the 22nd... so I hope it doesn't end that day either.  I hope next year is as interesting as this year but maybe a little easier but with the hard things often come the greatest and most lasting memories